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| My wonderful parents! |
{Before I begin I'd like to make one thing very clear - I realize this may be a completely foreign concept to some of you, maybe you've never heard of courtship or have never known that there was another choice other than dating. No matter what you call it, dating or courtship, the main goal I'm trying to present is to be careful as you pursue relationships with young men. With that said please continue reading :)}
So what's the difference, you may ask? If we go by America's definition of "dating" it says that dating is: "
An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest. One's companion on such an outing." (definition from the free dictionary online). What is wrong with this scenario? If you go out on a "date" you're usually on your own with the opposite sex with absolutely no parental or adult supervision. This can lead to a lot of situations that are intended only to be shared after marriage. Also, when dating you don't usually have marriage as the end goal. This can lead to portions of your heart being shared with someone who is not your husband. It says in Proverbs 31 verse 12, " She does him good and not evil
all the days of her life."
[emphasis mine] If our future husbands could look back at how we acted around other young men while growing up, would they still want to marry us?
We ladies have an especially hard time keeping ourselves emotionally whole for marriage. Oftentimes we get emotionally attached to a young man before the time is right, or before we've sought the Lord and our parent's advice. Why is parental advice and supervision so important? First, because the Scripture says to obey and submit to them as our parents and elders.
"Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord."
Colossians 3:20
"Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders..."
1 Peter 5:5a
Second, they've walked further down the path of life and have gained much wisdom from which we could glean from. If we are wise, we will seek the advice and direction of our elders.
Finally, it's always helpful to have another opinion about the young man you're considering. Parents oftentimes see things that our starry eyes don't see or don't wish to see. I cannot stress how important a good relationship with our parents is, especially as we get older and face much more serious issues than what to wear to church on Sundays ;).
So, what's courtship? Courtship looks different in each family but I would define courtship as "
a guarded, prayerful relationship with a young man with the goal being that of marriage." Now it is true that not all courtships end in marriage, but it's a much more serious approach to getting to know young men. Dating tends to be "just for the fun of it", whereas courtship is a commitment to keep each other pure while seeking out the Lord's will in the relationship. Another difference between courtship and dating is that during the courtship process the parents, especially the father, is very involved. In the best case scenario the father gets to know the young man before the young man gets to know the daughter. By doing this the father can see whether or not the man is even a possibility for the daughter and it protects the daughter from becoming too emotionally involved too soon. Hopefully no one knows a girl as well as her parents. They know her weakness, they know her likes and dislikes, her convictions and preferences, etc. Okay by now you're probably saying "Hannah, seriously, this is old fashioned! You need to catch up with the times." But look to the Scriptures.
In my post "
A Daddy's Girl" I point out how young ladies in the Scriptures depended on their fathers' and stayed under their protective authority until that authority was transferred to the husband. I find it interesting what Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore a
man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
[emphasis mine]. In Mr. Doug Phillips tape "
What's a Girl to do" he says that a son leaves but the daughter is given...how true! There is much safety in the Lord's design.
Below is some books that have greatly assisted me in formulating the convictions I now have regarding dating and courtship:
1.
Before you Meet Prince Charming ~ by Sarah Mally
2.
So Much More ~ by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin
3.
Preparing to be a Help Meet ~ by Debi Pearl
Please understand these are my convictions. I'm not trying to push them on any of you. Research this issue yourself, pray about it, seek wisdom and guidance from your parents and the Lord. I promise you that you won't be disappointed! The Lord will speak and show you the way in which to walk!
Learning to delight in Jesus,
Hannah
