Dating or Courtship?

My wonderful parents!

{Before I begin I'd like to make one thing very clear - I realize this may be a completely foreign concept to some of you, maybe you've never heard of courtship or have never known that there was another choice other than dating.  No matter what you call it, dating or courtship, the main goal I'm trying to present is to be careful as you pursue relationships with young men.  With that said please continue reading :)}

So what's the difference, you may ask?  If we go by America's definition of "dating" it says that dating is: "An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.  One's companion on such an outing." (definition from the free dictionary online).  What is wrong with this scenario?  If you go out on a "date" you're usually on your own with the opposite sex with absolutely no parental or adult supervision.  This can lead to a lot of situations that are intended only to be shared after marriage.  Also, when dating you don't usually have marriage as the end goal.  This can lead to portions of your heart being shared with someone who is not your husband.  It says in Proverbs 31 verse 12, " She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." [emphasis mine]  If our future husbands could look back at how we acted around other young men while growing up, would they still want to marry us?
We ladies have an especially hard time keeping ourselves emotionally whole for marriage.  Oftentimes we get emotionally attached to a young man before the time is right, or before we've sought the Lord and our parent's advice.  Why is parental advice and supervision so important?  First, because the Scripture says to obey and submit to them as our parents and elders.
"Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord." 
Colossians 3:20
"Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders..." 
1 Peter 5:5a

Second, they've walked further down the path of life and have gained much wisdom from which we could glean from.  If we are wise, we will seek the advice and direction of our elders.
Finally, it's always helpful to have another opinion about the young man you're considering.  Parents oftentimes see things that our starry eyes don't see or don't wish to see.  I cannot stress how important a good relationship with our parents is, especially as we get older and face much more serious issues than what to wear to church on Sundays ;).

So, what's courtship?  Courtship looks different in each family but I would define courtship as "a guarded, prayerful relationship with a young man with the goal being that of marriage." Now it is true that not all courtships end in marriage, but it's a much more serious approach to getting to know young men.  Dating tends to be "just for the fun of it", whereas courtship is a commitment to keep each other pure while seeking out the Lord's will in the relationship.  Another difference between courtship and dating is that during the courtship process the parents, especially the father, is very involved.  In the best case scenario the father gets to know the young man before the young man gets to know the daughter.  By doing this the father can see whether or not the man is even a possibility for the daughter and it protects the daughter from becoming too emotionally involved too soon.  Hopefully no one knows a girl as well as her parents.  They know her weakness, they know her likes and dislikes, her convictions and preferences, etc.  Okay by now you're probably saying "Hannah, seriously, this is old fashioned!  You need to catch up with the times."  But look to the Scriptures.
In my post "A Daddy's Girl" I point out how young ladies in the Scriptures depended on their fathers' and stayed under their protective authority until that authority was transferred to the husband.  I find it interesting what Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." [emphasis mine].  In Mr. Doug Phillips tape "What's a Girl to do" he says that a son leaves but the daughter is given...how true!  There is much safety in the Lord's design.
Below is some books that have greatly assisted me in formulating the convictions I now have regarding dating and courtship:

1. Before you Meet Prince Charming ~ by Sarah Mally
2. So Much More ~ by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin
3. Preparing to be a Help Meet ~ by Debi Pearl

Please understand these are my convictions.  I'm not trying to push them on any of you.  Research this issue yourself, pray about it, seek wisdom and guidance from your parents and the Lord.  I promise you that you won't be disappointed!  The Lord will speak and show you the way in which to walk!
Learning to delight in Jesus,
Hannah

My awesome brothers!

Hello all,

I felt inspired to write up a short post on my awesome brothers!  Diligent and hardworking, they've worked more than most kids their age, as they frequently accompany daddy to work (see here for more info).  Thanks to daddy's wise teachings they've matured quickly and have learned to think of others before themselves.  What a blessing it is to see both of them reading God's Word each morning and practicing what it says during the day!  Just today we had some friends over and one of my kind brothers gave up his walky-talky watch (both of the older boys have one so they can talk back and forth to each other) to the friend so he could enjoy it too!  Also today they prepared daddy's grill for him so it would be ready for him to put burgers on as soon as he got home.  Under daddy's tutelage they are fast becoming excellent grillers (is that a word? ;),  charcoal of course, in preparation for one day cooking for their own families, Lord willing.  Frequently the boys hand out their carefully saved candy to each of their siblings.  They also love little babies and are involved in the children's ministry at our church. 

This is what Caleb and Seth usually look like together :)!

Sooooo, to any of you single girls out their...in another 10 years or so you'll have some first-rate men available to choose from ;-)!  But in all reality, I don't praise them or tell them enough how very proud I am of the young men they are becoming!

All my handsome younger brothers: LtoR Caleb, Judah, Seth, and Josiah

 

Learning to delight in Jesus,

 Hannah      

A Daddy's girl

Have you noticed how the daddy/daughter relationship has drastically weakened in the past 1/2 a century?!  Everywhere I look daddies are dishonored by the way their daughters act, the way they dress, and the way they talk.  Fathers are the God-given protectors of us, the "weaker vessels".

"Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." 

1 Peter 3:7

Now the feminists would want you to think that what I just said is "degrading".  Why?  They believe that girls need "independence", "freedom" from the "oppression" of men.  Oppression?  Lets look at the difference between oppression and protection.

In the Websters 1828 Dictionary it defines oppression/oppressive as: "...the state of being oppressed or overburdened; misery...heavy; overpowering; overwhelming; tyrannical..."

Now here is the definition of protection: "...defense; shelter from evil; preservation from loss, injury or annoyance...that which protects or preserves from injury."

Wow!  Those words are radically different!  The feminists would have us think that our daddies are being oppressive, they're taking away our freedom, our opportunity to distinguish ourselves.  In reality our daddies are protecting us from the wolves out there (little puppets for the Wolf who "roars...seeking whom he may devour"- the Devil) who would love to devour young ladies, Gentile or Jew.


Women were naturally made to desire to be loved, cherished, and protected.  The Lord made us that way because He wanted us to portray a different side of Himself.  We portray the love, compassion, and gentleness of the Lord Jesus; the men portray the strength, leadership, and protective side of the Lord.  Each are equal in value yet different in position.  You and I will not find true peace and happiness unless we are fulfilling the role the Lord designed for us!

When we reject our daddy's protection, love, and guidance we are rejecting the design created by the Lord.  Do you ever ask your daddy what he thinks about how you act?  What about how you dress?  Do you seek his guidance before making a decision?  Do I?

Many times in the Scripture you'll read about the Lord being the father for the fatherless.  Since these children have no human father they have no protector, provider, priest, or leader...but the Lord promises to watch over them.  If we are blessed to have a father alive and well on this earth, we should value the protection that he affords, not try to get away from it!

My sisters and I with our wonderful father!

I am eternally grateful to have a wonderful father who I'm proud to have as a spiritual leader, protector, and friend.  Having multiple daughters, my father has searched the Scripture, read books, and prayed about how to train us up to be godly women in this oppressive, feministic world.  Beginning at a young age my daddy taught us the Scriptures.  He taught us how to pray, how to ask for forgiveness, how to search the Word to find answers to your important life decisions.  Not only has he taught us but he has portrayed it for us.  Having his protection is the best thing in the world!  It is so freeing, so wonderful, so sweet!

Oh girls, if you have a godly daddy, don't fall for the world's lies that "men are stupid" or "you need to get out from under you father's 'oppression'"...when you follow the Lord's design you will find yourself more free, more joyful, and more grateful to your Heavenly Father and earthly!  One day he may be taken from you and you will wish you had been more obedient.  Only when the gift is taken away will you realize what a treasure you've lost!  Build your relationship with your father right here and right now!!  You won't regret it!

"And he will turn  

The hearts of the fathers to the children,
And the hearts of the children to their fathers,
Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse." 

Malachi 4:6

Learning to delight in Jesus,
Hannah